Clinton, TN Mansion vs a Colorado Springs, CO Mansion

When I made my pitch to Commercial Bank in Farragut TN for the Jake Butcher Mansion in Clinton, TN I was confident my proposal was solid. I still am. I felt I was at an advantage as far as knowledge about the house. I came prepared with a thorough presentation, comps, research, the entire deed history, photos of the home and, of course, my offer.

The biggest mistake the bank representative made (other than telling me the bank's bottom line) was that he told me he's also an appraiser. See, that's a problem because now I've lost all respect for the man. You cannot tell people you're an appraiser and then demonstrate how very little you know about the house and the area you're selling.

Here's the thing: the bank is upside down on the Butcher mansion. But who cares? Certainly not me. They took on a bad loan with a guy who was borrowing from bank A to pay bank B to pay bank C and so on. They were the last bank to come in on the deal and they got screwed. Not my problem. I'm looking for a deal, not a pity party.

Just because a house has a lot of square footage does not mean you're going to get a buyer willing to pay your million dollar asking price. In fact, Whirlwind's square footage is actually a negative for today's buyer. It is ridiculously expensive to maintain this home. Former Banker Jake Butcher lived there because his in-laws lived next door. He flew by helicopter to get to work in Knoxville. He was afforded such luxury because he was embezzling millions of dollars from his depositors. He went to prison, lost the home through bankruptcy, and every buyer who has taken a loan against Whirlwind since has ended up in foreclosure. It doesn't matter what your asking price is. It doesn't matter what you believe the appraised value to be. What matters is, do you have a buyer? And if that buyer is borrowing your money, can they afford the home in the long run?

Commercial Bank has a fund to pay off bad loans. When they have too many bad loans bank regulators start sniffing around. Which is another mistake the bank representative made when he said, "If we could just get the damn regulators off our back, we'd be fine." Uh-huh. I believe that's what the Butchers said once upon a time. Unfortunately for the Butchers, those "damn regulators" didn't go away.

Whirlwind is located in an area where the median household income is $35,000. It has no view, it's very close to Bull Run Steam plant - which if you know anything about my family and coal ash - you'll know I'm not a fan of coal ash. It's miles away from any restaurants, shopping or businesses, let alone cultural activities. The area has a higher tax rate than nearby, more desirable Farragut. There were 10 known meth lab quarantines in the Clinton area code for the month of April 2012. To get to the house, you have to pass homes in the $100,000 or less price range. Not that that's a bad thing, it just doesn't support Whirlwind's million dollar price tag.

And with Whirlwind, this is what you're getting...

Structural issues out the wah-zoo

missing mortar, busted drains, mold, dry rot, single-pane windows

Old-ass kitchen, trailer-esque laundry room

And are you kidding me with this bathroom?!

$1.2 million? Are you out of your freaking mind?

In contrast, this former bank-owned home in Colorado Springs sold for $1.6 million. The median household income in Colorado Springs is $108,451. The house is surrounded by homes starting in the mid-$400s up into the low millions. This particular home is in a guard-gated community in a fairly large town with lots of activites close by. Membership to the athletic club, social club and golf club were included and are within walking distance. Radiant heat floors, whole house security system, whole house surround sound, immaculate, amazing attention to detail is what the lucky investor received.

In a million dollar home, like this one, people expect to see:

Cool features like this kick-ass bar

It changes colors

Right before your eyes - and next to it: a cigar room & wine cellar

and did I mention the billiards and poker room? Well I just did.

A bath with heated floors, tv, separate vanities and SEPARATE TOILETS, ladies!

Check out that tub and behind it, an indoor-outdoor shower like you've never seen before!

Look at the detail on that ceiling!

A frickin' waterfall? Whaaat?! And it's timed to music? Get out!

Yeah, that's the kitchen and it's so big I can't even show all of it here

Or here! There's still more kitchen! I'm not kidding!

OMG! Stadium seating theater that seats 16? I have died and gone to heaven. 

This entry says to me, "Welcome to my home, bitches! Waz up?"

Even on a gloomy day, this house is gorgeous!

$1.6 million for this house is a smokin' deal! $1.2 million for the Butcher mansion is idiotic!

It's funny, the Butcher Mansion in Clinton, TN is marketed as a Tara-style, Gone with the Wind home. Sonya Butcher worked with her builder to create her vision of the fictional southern plantation. So enamored with the story, she named one of her daughter's Scarlett after the main character. The Colorado home was built by my friends Paul and Tara Rising of Tara Custom Homes. And yes, Tara's mother named her after the plantation home featured in Margaret Mitchell's Pulitzer winning novel.

Alright peeps, I have things to do. More to come....

Whirlwind Home Owner's Association - Be Careful What You Wish For

I live in a neighborhood protected by covenants, codes and restrictions. My Home Owner's Association takes care of: the exterior of my home; all exterior painting; repairs; roofing; my landscaping; my driveway, sidewalk and, when necessary, my snow removal - basically, all the things I don't want to mess with. I pay $250 a month for that. And it's been great.

Great, that is, until my sister moved in across the street. Because my sister moved in with all 17 of her children (I'm exaggerating here, but only by a little), all the rules set forth by the HOA quickly changed. No more roller skating, no skateboards, no basketball in the street, no scooters, no dogs off leash, no dogs barking after 9 pm, no garage doors open unless you're physically standing there, no feeding the ducks, no skating on the pond, no toys in the yard, no sidewalk chalk. No issues, no problems, no noise, no nuisance whatsoever. Or, you will be fined. A lot.

Do all the rule changes bother me? Not really. My kids are older, the rules don't really apply to me. But I can see where it makes my sister a nervous wreck. A month or so ago she was fined $150 for a nugget of poo found on the outskirts of her yard. She took the poo to the board meeting and asked them to prove the poo was in fact dog poo and further, that if it were dog poo that the poo in question came from her dog. The board members weren't prepared for this line of questioning and the fine was removed. But my sister was pretty pissed off and she hasn't settled down much since. And now, for sport, she looks for ways to push the envelope. And unfortunately, we look enough alike that people mistake me for her.

Thanks, Amy.

When Whirlwind's previous owner, Charlie Hicks, and his partners subdivided the former Butcher estate and created a Home Owner's Association, they seriously diminished the resale value of the property. Specifically...